Aren't Greyhounds Supposed To Be Fast & Sleek?

Want to play a fun game?

Try to book a ticket on Greyhound Canada from Victoria, BC to Nanaimo, BC with the following restrictions:
- pick a travel date that is around 7 to 9 days from today
- choose to buy a 7-Day Advance Purchase ticket
- go through the process as if you're buying the ticket on behalf of someone else

Perhaps start with their Web site at www.greyhound.ca

What's that? Even though tickets appear to be available for the trip you can't buy them online? Hmmm. Strange.

Maybe it's worth a phone call to the toll free number listed on the site. Let's see... according to the Need Help? link shown on the page, that number is 1-800-231-2222. Okay.

Oh. That number is for trips within the United States, is it?
At least there's an option on the automated phone system for trips within Canada. Maybe try that? Alright, that just gives another phone number. 1-800-661-8747, gotcha.

Ahh, another phone system. Fun.
Okay, let's walk through the process.

Select an option to get ticket info (since there is no option to just "Buy").
A seemingly-random selection of departure cities is given. Nope, none of those.
Okay, type "8" for cities that start with T, U, and V.
Nope, none of those are correct either. Nope, we don't need to hear more "T" cities. Oh, thanks for informing us that there are no "U" cities -- good trivia to tell the grandkids one day.
Alright, select the option for more "V" cities. Yay, there it is.
And... repeat the process for the destination city.
Now listen to a list of all the departure and arrival times for that route.

I guess it's time to talk to an agent now that it finally provides that as an option.

Let's tell them our relevant info. Departure city. Destination. Date. Time...

What's that? Why, no, actually, the credit card being used to book the trip is not in the same name as the traveler. But it's a valid card. Honest!

There's an $18 fee for that? Why, that's almost as much as the ticket price! What on earth does this fee cover? If the credit card is invalid, what good does it do for them to add an extra fee anyways? Ohhhhhhh, I see: the ticket agent has absolutely no empowerment and only basic training. Alrighty.

Hold on, let's grab the traveler's credit card info, then. Okay, got it.

Ready. Let's get a-buyin'!

Excuse me? There's a $6 fee for booking by phone? What's that about? They're encouraging use of the Web site? Okay, fine. But the ticket isn't available through the Web site...

Aha! So the ability for purchasers to print their own ticket at home is only available in certain cities. Which means that Greyhound want to mail a ticket. Which takes up to ten days. That's why you can't book online. So, really, if you want a 7-Day Advance Purchase fare, you have to book at least 10 days in advance. And be available to collect the ticket in the mail when it arrives (not much good if you're, say, traveling around the country at the time).

But if you book by phone, they can somehow have your tickets waiting for you at will-call... Right.

Wow.
Amazing that airlines, hotels, and countless other businesses manage to sell bookings(and other products and services) worth thousands of dollars without these sorts of restrictions.
No way to just give a confirmation number and show ID at the ticket booth? Nope.
No way to just print an e-mail or other basic content instead of a full "ticket"? Nope, only for certain cities. ("What does that have to do with anything?" is, of course, the next logical question).


Alright, game over.

Does Greyhound actually successfully sell any tickets online or by phone? Does everybody end up paying extra fees just to get the process complete?

The above is, as you've probably guessed, based on an actual occurrence. And it went on from here. Just imagine the above stretched out over several phone calls trying to find someone who can expedite the process or waive the ridiculous fee(s). Ugh.

Sure, this particular situation just happens to be a weird exception that falls between the cracks (cities without full ticketing capabilities, dates that are more than one restriction allows but less than another, etc.). If this was the extent of the problems it would be forgivable.

But the issues seem to be systemic.
The customer service and ticket agent staff are next to useless. No apologies or efforts to make the process smoother. No suggestions for how to deal with the problems. No effort to make the eventual purchase process go as quickly as possible.

The IVR phone system has got to be the worst I've ever encountered. Ever. Really: Try it out. Call the above phone number (it's toll free) and pretend to book a ticket. Time how long it takes to get to any useful info. God forbid you want to just buy something right away.

The Web site is some antiquated thing that looks like something I would have been ashamed to produce in 2001.

The fare and fee structure looks like something designed by a sociopath.

I could go on for hours outlining just a few of the things wrong with this company. And the worst part: this is before even setting foot near their actual facilities or staff. I shudder to think what they'll screw up. Can I actually trust them to have a record of the ticket at will-call? Will there be room on the bus? Will the bus be even running?

I wonder if the reason Greyhound has a virtual monopoly on most routes is that their potential competitors see only a handful of people traveling and assume that there's no demand. Little do they know that most of the potential customers are still waiting on hold somewhere.